Why can't I find good books?

My creativity has taken a real backseat recently. I have come to terms with not monetising my passions, but haven't accepted that they could come to a halt entirely. It's no coincidence that I went back into full-time work and experienced creative burnout at the same time. It's been a challenge to readjust to full-time work. 

I'm sure many people would agree with me (or at least the two people who read this blog) that work is not only a drain on creative energy, but it leaves you with so little energy at the end of the day that you risk becoming a slave to the algorithm. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that lately I have been ignoring the little voice at the back of my head that tells me to take a break from scrolling. 

One of my goals for the year was to start writing a novel, and we are now 7 months deep into 2026, and I have written only two pages. I don't know the last time I wrote anything at all. I got into the habit of writing every other day last year and early this year, only for that habit to fall off. It's always worth getting back on the horse, but getting back on once you've been kicked off isn't easy. 

I've never been kicked off a horse, but I've definitely crashed a car. I guess my creative rut is akin to running my car into a ditch, rather than a dramatic smash, and just deciding to sit in the car rather than push it out. I think shame has a lot to do with that, along with a fair helping of apathy. As in, what's the point in writing something if no one is going to read it anyway? There is some truth to this. The statistics for reading among young people, men, and probably people in general, are grim. 

As I said earlier, I'm comfortable with never being read. I'm not sure when that shift happened, but I've realised that worrying whether I have the chops to be a big deal isn't conducive to quality or prolific writing. 

So here I am, committing some absolute bullshit to the page. At least it's something. 

As the title suggests, I'm caught in more than one rut. Despite having a very mixed year, I have been reading, but I sat down and crunched the numbers and realised that 9 of the 24 books I have read this year weren't to my taste. Some of them I found underwhelming, whereas others I actively hated. 

I want to get to the bottom of this dilemma because, if anything, over a third of the books I have read this year were mediocre. Does the fault lie in the reasoning for picking these books? Let's face it, with so much media on offer, we often fall prey to outsourcing our decision-making for what to read next to content creators. 

I suspect the number-one culprit behind my poor decision-making is habit. I'm choosing the same authors, with similar backgrounds. Predominantly women, and often queer. Often, but thankfully not always, based in the States. Seeking out queer literature is not a bad thing, but it doesn't always serve me well. 

If I were to pin down my worst read of the year, it would have to be The Lamb by Lucy Rose. The Lamb is a story about a mother-daughter cannibal duo. They lure in people they classify as "strays" with the intention of eating them sooner or later. It was very much a feel-bad book.  

The main character is a tween called Margot who hates school and has a crush on her classmate. We mainly follow Margot around her small world. She tends to explore the nearby forest, get belittled at school or on the school bus, or deal with the absolute shitshow that is her homelife. At the beginning of the novel, she and her mother live alone. Margot has a mysteriously absent father. That is, until her mother acquires a new accomplice, a stray gone wrong called Eden, who completely alters their dynamic. 

I hated this book. One of my main issues with it is the writing style. Perhaps a writing style might be appealing to others, but if it doesn't grab you, it's not going to get any better the more you read. I also didn't care for any of the plot developments. The ending was just depressing and left me feeling gross. 

I do love horror as a genre, and I guess you enter any new story with the understanding that you will feel disturbed or nauseated. Yet, there has to be some enjoyable storytelling in there as well. The best horror always leaves you feeling haunted. It develops characters you care about and wish would make different decisions, even if you know that, without poor or risky decision-making, there wouldn't be a story at all. 

The Lamb left me wanting. It read like a YA novel, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. I know the protagonist is meant to be a child, but the line between reality and fairytale was confusingly blurred. The narrative puts a lot into convincing the reader that how a "stray" feels before their death affects their taste. It reminds me of the idea that meat eaters can "taste fear." If I've ever tasted fear, I couldn't distinguish the taste! I know it's likely a metaphor, probably for the effects of abuse remaining in the body, but I didn't care to unpack that. 

When you pick up a book, you know that you are committing to something for the long term. One of the indicators that I'm slipping into a reading rut is a sense of determination to get to the end of a novel rather than enjoy the journey. This seems to be a contradiction I share with a lot of people. My worst reading trait is impatience, getting too fixated on the numbers rather than trying to find the joy in reading. 

We all want to discover books that are propulsive, new favourites, the kinds of books you can't put down. It's hard to judge off the bat if a book will be for you, especially if it receives a lot of hype. It could be the most hyped book in the world, but it might not appeal to your specific tastes. Finding room for our own tastes is becoming crowded by external influences, which brings me to BookTok. 

Of the novels I've read of late that haven't been good reads, I find I have sourced them from one of two places. I either pick up authors I have enjoyed in the past, such as Catherine Chidgey or Madeleine Grey, or I take recommendations from book channels on YouTube. I'm not a TikTok user, but I'm positive there is a significant overlap between the books promoted on both platforms. 

The sad truth is, they just aren't always that good. Some of my favourite reads of recent years I have discovered from YouTube, but for every book I loved, there are probably more I didn't enjoy. 

Some of the best books I've read recently, I just picked up off the shelf at my library. Bad Friend by Michelle Elman was just sitting on the recent releases display at my local library branch. I frequently return to what I read in that book to help me navigate my interpersonal relationships. 

We need to rely on our own instincts to choose our next read, and not the word of mouth of others who may prefer a completely different reading experience. I know that I value a good concept, but beyond that, I value good writing. I could read the books I already own. I should give myself a chance to explore and discover new books, and readily abandon books that don't truly appeal. 

I'm hoping the latter half of 2026, I will read many more good reads and a lot fewer books that leave me feeling cold.